Starbucks Child Care Center
Teen girl bottle feeds a kitten
Proud kitten mama - a Demeter woman
I was hypnotized by the six-year-old hypnotically watching the Disney cartoon on her computer tablet. An hour early for an appointment, I settled in to charge my phone and indulge my addiction to email/news/humor/gossip/outrage/horror.
Her mother was glued to her laptop and sat across from the child, who was mesmerized by the Disney interface. Since my goal is to be less judgmental and more compassionate, I made up this scenario: the single mother can’t afford daycare and may not have internet access at home, but needs it for homework. Maybe she was applying for jobs.
While the mom grooved to the relentless beat of Starbucks’ music, her daughter, wearing unicorn earbuds, stared at the screen, her brow furrowed like she was trying hard to understand something. She didn’t make a peep or cause a minute of trouble. Do you know any six-year-olds who do that?
As far as I could see, this child did not have an enriched childhood. Her mom seemed to have other priorities. Maybe she had scant parental involvement and lacked the experience to offer anything more nurturing.
We glorify motherhood – “as American as motherhood and apple pie” – while offering only platitudes and lip service. The unvarnished truth is that there are all kinds of mothers. The maternal instinct is baked into some women and foreign to others.
The Goddess Within superbly analyses and describes the various female archetypes. Mothering and nurturing comes naturally to Demeter women. Athena women are built for business and would be resentful if they were limited to homemaking. In an environment that supports, rather than stifles their gifts and interests they could be terrific moms.
I remember a study from years ago comparing how children fared in stay-at-home environments versus child care. The bottom line: provided that the child care was high quality, whatever was best for the mother was best for the child. A woman working outside the home is happier because she is validated at work and at home. A stay-at-home mom is validated at home or not at all.
Economic dislocation has shifted dramatically and now stay at home dads are more common. The National At-Home Dad Network estimates that 7 million fathers are primary caregivers.
My main premise is that we can create living environments in which people flourish. There is considerable pressure to shift our dominant housing model from nuclear family and solo living to more sustainable alternatives such as co-housing, co-living, communal living, intentional communities, tiny houses, home sharing, and much more.
