Single mom’s time crunch
Charlie Barlie, World’s Best Dog in the World
Photo by Terry Edlin
One Sunday morning around 8:30, my beloved dog, Charlie Barlie, aka World's Best Dog in the World, and I encountered a mother and her pre-teen daughter entering their drab high-rise apartment building. The girl swooned over my dog, showering him with kisses.
Charlie Barlie is a looker, exceptionally sweet and accustomed to admiration, but the girl's response had a lonely ache. Did I project my issues, psychically connect with her, or both? An astrological reading once said that I am a magnet for others' pain. Lucky huh!
I sensed a single mother working too hard for too little money, raising an only child. I've worked with many single moms. That young girl has many lonely hours to fill. A dog's highest purpose is companionship, and they are ideally suited to fill the void of loneliness.
I extended an open invitation for the girl to come over to spend time with my dog whenever she wanted. Her mom appropriately bristled. What was I thinking? Of course, I invited the mom to come too, which she, unfortunately, declined.
This mother did not know that I am not only harmless but that I could and would be a resource, given the opportunity. These days, it seems, one can't be too careful.
Nevertheless, that child needed resources beyond what her mother could provide. Moreover, the mother needs resources beyond what our culture offers. Undoubtedly, the mom spends endless anxious moments worrying about her child, racing to get home on time, stretching a dollar, and keeping up a brave front.
This vignette stayed with me because I was a lonely 12-year-old in a house full of people. Due to an odd twist of circumstance, in 1962, after several years of seeking a better solution, my father accepted a job in a small town about three hours away and took my two eldest sisters with him.
Although I begged to join them, the answer was "Absolutely NOT" – a big mistake for my well-being. My oldest sister is the only person who noticed me and remains my best friend and confidant today. Another sister, brother, and I stayed behind with our mom while she completed her school librarian contract, an income that we surely needed. My stern, critical grandmother, who I didn't even like, lived next door. Still, I was supposed to go there after school.
We lived that school year in a depressed, marginally functional state until we joined my dad and sisters the following June. I was so depressed that I barely washed my hair.
My dad spent four years in the VA hospital recovering from a WWII shrapnel wound, and the experience spawned the curious belief that money was unimportant.
My mom had six children in 10 years, was a wonderful person, a fabulous mother, but a consummate worrier. She could not be present to me.
In that second of many terrible years, our dog, Rowdy, was busy comforting all of us.
What is a healthy, grounding household environment for parents and children? Some children of single parents get through it. Barack Obama did. Few are that smart or that strong, however. In David Brooks' New York Times op-ed, he writes: Some children are bathed in an atmosphere that promotes human capital development and, increasingly, more are not. By [age] 5, it is possible to predict, with depressing accuracy, who will complete high school and college and who won't. (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/29/opinion/29brooks.html)
Patricia McGinn, former President of the Illinois Counseling Association, participated in a panel discussion hosted by WBEZ radio's "848" program following the Northern Illinois University shootings. In the 1970s, she predicted that, as divorce became pervasive, the consequences would inevitably be more violence and mental instability. She observed that the family structure is such a fundamental human need that deterioration of it breeds violence in later years.
We see the reality of more violence and heartbreaking situations every day. Seeing older people, children, and people in their prime, begging for spare change takes a toll on my soul. Odd, irrational, and violent behavior is standard now, making us wary of strangers.
This content is from years ago. I'm working to develop Co-Living Boarding Houses that are clean, cute, charming, and serve good food. The beauty of this model is that even large homes are small enough to create highly functional and harmonious communities.
